she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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