hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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