No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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