Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
