Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
