like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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