Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
