The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
