I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
