I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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