I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
