First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
