she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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