I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Be still, my beating vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
