next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
