New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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