When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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