Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize