Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Randomize
