Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
