Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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