i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
