Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
