OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
