For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize