oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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