allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
