i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
