wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize