I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
