i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
