You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
