You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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