are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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