We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
