I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
