hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
