Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
