i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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