Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
