If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
