You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
