you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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