You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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