smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
