Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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