She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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