if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
