Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize