he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
