we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
