I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize