i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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