the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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