In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
