If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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