Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
