I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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