Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
