So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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