Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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