Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
