I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
