Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
